“Do you think I’m fat?”
“I don’t think it’s about the bodyweight actually, do you think you’re okay with your current version?”
“No.”
“Change begins with acceptance. You start anytime you want to.”
It’s not an easy task sustaining one’s self- opinionated persona especially when there are a multitude of them around you. We have successfully managed to mess up our identities, 21st century being the shield for all the wrong battles we’d pick primarily for an external display of our undying fighting spirit. Of course, we’re bound to lose because we don’t invest enough to understand our wants.
And therefore, it makes sense to proclaim “This is who I am. I’ll eat what I want to, when I want to. I’ll live the way I think fit. And I do not want any interference.”
As a nation, we’ve progressed to be only leading to regression. Homosexual marriages are not legal and we’re stuck over the alimony amount for divorces. We celebrate Independence Day in the same spirit of freedom which has got school girls being raped every day. The Dieticians all over the world are screaming about healthy living choices, be it food blogs or books or videos but our feminism will find rebellion in how our bodies and shapes shouldn’t be subjected to speculation/discussion, no matter what the purpose is.
“I don’t think it’s about the bodyweight actually, do you think you’re okay with your current version?”
“No.”
“Change begins with acceptance. You start anytime you want to.”
It’s not an easy task sustaining one’s self- opinionated persona especially when there are a multitude of them around you. We have successfully managed to mess up our identities, 21st century being the shield for all the wrong battles we’d pick primarily for an external display of our undying fighting spirit. Of course, we’re bound to lose because we don’t invest enough to understand our wants.
And therefore, it makes sense to proclaim “This is who I am. I’ll eat what I want to, when I want to. I’ll live the way I think fit. And I do not want any interference.”
As a nation, we’ve progressed to be only leading to regression. Homosexual marriages are not legal and we’re stuck over the alimony amount for divorces. We celebrate Independence Day in the same spirit of freedom which has got school girls being raped every day. The Dieticians all over the world are screaming about healthy living choices, be it food blogs or books or videos but our feminism will find rebellion in how our bodies and shapes shouldn’t be subjected to speculation/discussion, no matter what the purpose is.
I understand. I do because I’ve travelled that road many a times.
It wouldn’t make sense to me as to why I should listen to somebody else trying to tell me what to eat. As if parents force feeding their choices all through childhood wasn’t enough, there’s this other breed of concerned, aware, relevant people with degrees and consciousness about healthy living trying to impose their thoughts all over. I would be really frustrated if suggested with the idea of starting my day with two glasses of water, or including fruits in my daily meal. I mean, isn’t this one life all we got? Am I supposed to listen to all you crack-heads and control so much and just die? No, definitely not.
And of course, I understood a fit body as totally synonymous to a thin body. I won’t hesitate to admit that it felt bad to see ladies’ pose all confident and classy while I hesitated to even get clicked. I mean, the tummy shouldn’t show, the dark circles are too visible, the pimples give a really unclean look- I took to convincing myself that I’m not going to be starving to look like one of those, this is just plain crime.
And after a while when the guilt sunk too deep in, I took to starvation. My college was tough and I had stuff to do. This made up for a nice excuse to not have time to eat. There was a considerable weight loss except for the mind which was just growing impatient and more disturbed. I had a major loss of appetite and I was basking in the glory of how I’ve managed to control all my cravings given I wouldn’t feel the hunger at all.
The illusion continued for some time through office too- it was a different city, new people, new challenges and the realization of incapability to be able to handle all of those. The ego won’t let me ask for help and the pressure kept taking a toll on the whole system. My flexibility had reduced, I would be eating random and unchecked, at bizarre intervals. My body would struggle to lie every day that things are okay. It was around the same time I made friends with a colleague who happened to be a certified trainer and dietician. My arguments with him would often be based on how he’s ruining people’s life by giving them diet plans and asking them to starve. I took my liberty with all accusations and frustration of how I’ve tried all I could and I still don’t feel/look good according to me.
He seemed to have sensed that until confronting me about it
one fine day. It led to a major breakdown but I knew I had help. And probably
this is my chance to discover myself and recover. A Weight Loss challenge came
up around the same time, I formed a team of two friends who were primarily into
the challenge just because they valued me way too much. And I got them to
promise that we’ll win this, no matter what. I took my motivation from the
efforts my trainer would put based on his complete faith in me. Nothing would
change if I wouldn’t follow his instructions but the guilt would never leave my
side every time I would think I had a chance to get things right and I didn’t.
It began with dedicating myself to trusting a man (putting aside all the feminism and the anguish), start with getting the metabolism right, stick to the diet plan, work on hunger pangs, control even around sweets and fried snack and not miss the daily dosage of exercises. I started doing all of this with an initial thought of just winning the competition. However, by the end of 2.5 months, I was building into a responsible, newer version of myself who has begun to understand the importance of routine and a fit body and mind.
We did end up winning the challenge. However, there was a bigger one ahead: “You give me a challenge and I win it. But how do I choose to stand by what I’ve built after the time period expires?” There were multiples discussions with friends, colleagues and family crackling over how I would be back to square one given the target is accomplished.
I’ve to give it to my trainer and the dietician who chose to deal with me as a friend first. He got me to believe that certain situations and people will always be beyond me. And sometimes, I cannot do anything about it. However, that shouldn’t divert me from making the most of what I’ve got. I take the ownership of my body and therefore, only I should have the ownership of the mind and the thoughts I process too. It doesn’t matter what people say or think, I’ve a responsibility towards being comfortable in my own skin.
I’m in a space today where my bookmark list also includes health blogs. I’m a regular at researches regarding lifestyle and food habits. I run and exercise daily. My routine gets me to have a good sleep and wake up in time for Surya-Namaskar. I’m still adamant about my hatred towards gymming- the reason for Claustrophobia is now mentioned with a laugh at discussions. I feel proud because I get to advise my parents on how they should include boiled corn in their diet, they now listen because they somehow feel I deserve to be in that lecturing space.
Among the many transformations that I’ve had until today, I believe this particular one has made me a happier, patient, tolerant and a better person. It shouldn’t be about the world to make you define your choices, it should always be your willingness of heart and desire to go ahead and live your way. Sometimes, losing is winning. The circle’s going to be rotating all the time and we don’t want to get stuck at a phase. We are brave, brave enough to get up and roll with the circle. It’s one beautiful, rewarding life that’s meant to be seen and lived through the compassionate window of humanity and trust.
Never stop dreaming is the key to becoming what we desire for.
The roads traversed on this side won’t hurt; the journey shall be worth the self.
P.S: Start with breathing. J
It began with dedicating myself to trusting a man (putting aside all the feminism and the anguish), start with getting the metabolism right, stick to the diet plan, work on hunger pangs, control even around sweets and fried snack and not miss the daily dosage of exercises. I started doing all of this with an initial thought of just winning the competition. However, by the end of 2.5 months, I was building into a responsible, newer version of myself who has begun to understand the importance of routine and a fit body and mind.
We did end up winning the challenge. However, there was a bigger one ahead: “You give me a challenge and I win it. But how do I choose to stand by what I’ve built after the time period expires?” There were multiples discussions with friends, colleagues and family crackling over how I would be back to square one given the target is accomplished.
I’ve to give it to my trainer and the dietician who chose to deal with me as a friend first. He got me to believe that certain situations and people will always be beyond me. And sometimes, I cannot do anything about it. However, that shouldn’t divert me from making the most of what I’ve got. I take the ownership of my body and therefore, only I should have the ownership of the mind and the thoughts I process too. It doesn’t matter what people say or think, I’ve a responsibility towards being comfortable in my own skin.
I’m in a space today where my bookmark list also includes health blogs. I’m a regular at researches regarding lifestyle and food habits. I run and exercise daily. My routine gets me to have a good sleep and wake up in time for Surya-Namaskar. I’m still adamant about my hatred towards gymming- the reason for Claustrophobia is now mentioned with a laugh at discussions. I feel proud because I get to advise my parents on how they should include boiled corn in their diet, they now listen because they somehow feel I deserve to be in that lecturing space.
Among the many transformations that I’ve had until today, I believe this particular one has made me a happier, patient, tolerant and a better person. It shouldn’t be about the world to make you define your choices, it should always be your willingness of heart and desire to go ahead and live your way. Sometimes, losing is winning. The circle’s going to be rotating all the time and we don’t want to get stuck at a phase. We are brave, brave enough to get up and roll with the circle. It’s one beautiful, rewarding life that’s meant to be seen and lived through the compassionate window of humanity and trust.
Never stop dreaming is the key to becoming what we desire for.
The roads traversed on this side won’t hurt; the journey shall be worth the self.
P.S: Start with breathing. J
