Saturday 12 May 2018

Your Best Break-up Partner




“Are you having the almonds soaked in water daily morning?”
“What giddy again? Everybody around is falling sick. Just go for a checkup and make sure you don’t go alone.”
“Be careful while you cook something and for heaven’s sake always cross check while turning off the gas knob. Do you even know how to cook?”
“Don’t order too many times from outside. Walk down to the grocery store and purchase vegetables. You can manage to cook once in a while- save money.”
“You haven’t called Dad in two days. He is worried.”
“Have you blocked each one of us on Facebook because I don’t see any new posts no more?”

Say hello to these familiar sets of drumrolls your best partner in the world comes with- Mothers.
Oh, what a mess- you feel like breaking up all the time. And you do.
But unlike all other break-ups wherein you have sleeved up with shields of ego clashes, no understanding, dagger swooning damage to self-respect and dignity, and you are swearing on your mothers to never get back- this is always a shelter home. Moms.

Motherhood comes as a choice to some and naturally to some others- And no matter whenever that happens, their children become their first priority. My mother has an M.A. in Psychology and chose to not work so that both me and my sister could attain quality education while Dad had a transferable job and was shifted to the North-western India for 5 years. 
We see partners around us leaving everything to be with each other. Maa has loved Dad ever since the day they met, loved so much so that she still has the writing pad she wrote letters to him in, during the early days of their marriage. She lived away from her husband for her two kids for ten long years.

Our morning school or afternoon schedule, extra classes or weekend rehearsals- there wouldn’t ever be one single meal missed, the instructions won’t stop, the emotional blackmails of securing top three or no ice-creams was a constant. Science sometime fails before the “Mommy” logic. If one paper for the board exams went well, that entire meal which was prepared on that very day would be repeated for all the other papers with a wishful thinking that Parantha & Sarso wali Bhindi is a lucky charm. That, being the same woman who would often vocally proclaim that people are just following these useless religious gurus owing to their superstition and that would end the world.

My competition days used to be really rough because of my performance anxiety. All my assurance queries of “Maa, I am winning this right?” were met with “You just got the hard work in your hand. And the results do not really matter.” It would often annoy me thinking it actually didn’t really matter to her until some time back I was told she’s getting all the certificates framed to be decorated across our hallway and her bedroom.

They say Fathers have a better bond with daughters and Moms with their sons. We are two sisters and therefore, it is hard to tell. What I do know is she’s the only one who could fit in all brackets we create as children. Her every-one-hour phone call when you are away might appear imposing in the beginning but the first breath you take whenever you speak to her- and she knows you got a cold, or you are dull, or you’re cornered or just not liking the city or the new home. She gives you just the exact strength from miles away you need to ride and take on the world- probably she’s the only Godly creation with the capacity to do so for the obvious reasons of being all our origins.

Between the first crush in school to the best friend at work, Maa has always known beforehand which of your relationships are forever, and even more the ones which will crumble. We really are looking for that companionship everywhere around us and will never acknowledge that it has been with us all this while- and has started to erode because we never took care to cherish it. We have always got catalogues and prices around which all our equations evolve. Guess we forgot to assign a category for her since she never made it to the catalogue owing to her priceless worth!

Here’s a good news, she never minds. We have got the liberty to return to her at any point we want, in any manner we’d like- to take out Dad’s frustration on her because obviously you cannot counter speak before him, to tell her that you are least interested in marriage, to click a selfie with her for a Mother’s Day post, to break down before her for a failing marriage, to instruct her to not ask you too many questions. Oh isn’t she cool, she follows you, all so well?

The Facebook and Youtube short ads and movies have enough content to help us all get started- there’s nothing supremely difficult about paying heed to a tiny four letter word- T.I.M.E.
Therefore, if we are done planning for a Mother’s Day surprise cake and expensive gifts, we could plan next the togetherness. They aren’t demanding at all, so most definitely no holes in the pockets burnt!

Meanwhile, I really got to figure out how to make Maa read my blogs. She always ditches it under the pretext of laziness or work. She’d let the whole world know about it and after a week when I go back asking for a feedback, she’d again be oh-my-bad-I-missed-it-again and “It must be good only since you wrote it.”

Also, I got to make her ride a plane sooner than her soon! And strategize because she isn't agreeing to prepare my favorite Mirchi pickle!

P.S: Happy Mother’s Day- If you’re reading it, go let her know you will never break-up with her again. Go NOW. J

Saturday 5 May 2018

The Visible Demons


My city continues to be unpredictable even as we collaborate over 2 years now- To everybody that asks me how do you like Bangalore, I love to reiterate: “Hopeful”, sometimes calm, often loud and petite, and mostly shrieking to convince the person asking that I am absolutely, fanatically sure that things will change for better, you and I alike. Phew, that is one pragmatic side to flaunt.

I seem to have figured out as to how do I deal with this city of hope- Between the constant juggle of early mornings and late nights yoga time, why not tire myself after work with the yoga and running so that all I could barely manage to think thereafter is sleep and NOT food. Because food didn’t give up on me when rest of the world did, I hold it in extremely high regards. But all midnight cravings shouldn’t be given in to, therefore, a switch in the exercise time.

A brilliant way to avoid traffic is to choose the travel period around lunch time and go for private single rides for the first half of the month with the salary making me feel royal and enigmatic, and for obvious reasons switch to the share rides towards the later part of the month. This, because I genuinely believe that self-pity helps me stay grounded. And, with some bank balance in my account.

So, three days back while I take the cab back to my home procrastinating about how I haven’t been invited yet to my colleague’s engagement ceremony and what in the world will I wear if it comes last minute- I completely forget to remind the driver to play the 95.0 Radio Mirchi on the FM. 95.0 because when I came to this city first, the people were all gaga about this channel keeping its advertisements to the minimum and brilliant content to the maximum. I was too lazy to explore the other options and willingly succumbed to sticking to this very route for all travels in cabs with radios installed on them.

Anyway, for the ride I took three days back, the channel playing was 92.7 with an RJ hosting a show and speaking to this lady school teacher from Goregaon who was all praises for the channel and the show. And I go in my head, it’s all scripted. They were holding a conversation in Hindi while she told the host about how her school has completed its Platinum jubilee and they are celebrating. I am having a good time imagining how much my Dad would have loved to hear this pure Hindi giant word exchange ceremony and how this lady must be a prolific Hindi teacher. And she takes that exact moment to clarify that she’s a Mathematics and Science teacher. I am both stunned and impressed. Also embarrassed that why I judged too quickly.

As my ride is about to finish, the song that plays next is “Humko mann ki shakti dena, mann vijay kare, Doosro ki jay se pehle khud ki jay kare” and I am all dewy eyed that it’s been years I listened to this favorite song which not only used to be one of the school prayers but also an irritating wake up alarm set by Dad which followed with a long morning walk at 4 AM and speech exercises and this bitter brown drink from some herbal leaves which is supposed to get your memory stronger. Shoot, awh- it sure led me to not forget any of these!

Well, I guess 92.7 Big FM is to be thanked for. I judged too far away, too many things before exploring and finding for myself. Why can’t a lady speaking fluent Hindi teach Mathematics and Science? My Dad’s a Ph.D in Hindi and one of the most well informed/spoken people I know on the planet. What’s with questioning the people getting married at 32 because it’s too late and at 23 because they probably are not ambitious enough? A male friend suggesting you do not wear shorts to the night ride might not be because he doesn’t approve of it but probably because it is colder at night and he doesn’t want you falling sick. 
A plus size could take interest in Martial Arts as much as a zero figure could be a foodie. Somebody adorning a saree could be a foreign minister and a bald man may have just chosen to go for a clean shaved head and not be a victim of hair loss. A shy, non-English speaker could represent a community before the ex-president of the United States and a Chaiwala could most definitely vouch for living with a million abuses from his ministry every single day of his tenure as a Prime Minister of the biggest democracy of the world.

Sure we aren’t bound to make our fair share of assumptions only a certain way but there’s got to be sense of understanding needing to develop.
All body sizes exist because of various reasons.
All girls with short hair are no lesser ladies and not every man who cooks and takes care of babies is less of a man.
White is gorgeous but brown’s got its own sparkle. 
Because Muslims eat beef and Christians drink, we shouldn’t be restricting our children to keep the company of kids with same caste and color.
Every language is beautiful, no profession is small and money isn’t everything.
There shall exist our individual battles and there will be times when we’d need to come together and accept, and act upon.

The world’s scarier when we tell our sisters that provocative clothing leads to rape and fail to even identify with Marital Rape. Between the sizes of the cleavages across to the lengths of the penises, there also exist communities who do not possess any. Love can exist beyond genders and feminism can be misused.

There’s each of our clocks ticking and like Rumi says, beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoings, there’s a field. I wonder what we shall carry to that destination when the procession begins- a truckload of imposed choices and judgements, or the acceptance and pride of living as one people?

It’s never too late to not re-think and re-start.